In light of recent events, I've come to a few realizations that I'm going to forc--uhm, share with the rest of you.
-Delivering pizzas only leads to spontaneous sex and/or orgies in the movies. Damn it.
-Winter weather, and it's negative effects on one's ability to walk down a flight of stairs without falling, doesn't hold a candle to the destructive power of a dog's chew toy.
-Regardless of how nice the cute, pink haired chick at your favorite gas station seems, don't ask for her number. Nothing good will come of it, I promise.
-I'm pretty sure there was a time in life when I didn't prefer being asleep to being awake, but I just can't seem to remember it. Maybe it was a dream.
-Some of my friends got really, really attractive overnight, and as a result, I've decided to be a lot more careful about who I share my stories of rampant sexual misadventures with. Y'know, because it sucks when you realize that you've cockblocked yourself.
-And most of all...
-...Wait for it...
-I FUCKING HATE VALENTINE'S DAY!
Thank you, and if I see you kissing someone on the street, rest assured that you deserve the subsequent shoe print that I've left in your face when you wake up. Honest.
