Hang, Piss. Vomit.

Dear Hollywood,

Look, you pull in billions of dollars every day. The entertainment industry is one of the most lucrative markets on the planet. Is a little more dosh for the people responsible for the content that puts you in your fucking Beamers really too much to ask?
I know you think that you're fighting the good fight, but while you're sitting in your ivory towers on top of mountains of cash, the American public is being subjected to some of the most mindless programming in the history of television. This won't come as a shock to you since you're the ones airing it, but tonight I saw yet another reality show where a man was challenged to hang on a bar longer than an orangutan. Let me repeat that in the vain hope that it might sink in and give you an idea of just how badly you're hurting my brain. A man. Was challenged. To hang on a bar. Longer than an orangutan. The highlight of the competition? When the ape pissed all over himself.
Don't get me wrong, I've always been under the impression that television offered very little in the way of redeeming qualities, and certainly Jack Bauer isn't exactly bolstering the intelligence of America's youth, but for fuck's sake, hanging competitions? What's next, prime time staring contests? Syncronized masturbation?...alright, if you got a couple of nubile, perky-titted coeds who shaved on there, I'd watch, but you get the idea.
You can't train someone to produce good content, it's a skill you're either born with or aren't. Whatever attempts you plan on making of replacing the writers who only want their due are destined to fail, and dismally at that. Long story short, cough up the greenback, you greedy fucks, because if I have to sit through one more new reality show, I think I might just kill myself.

Sincerely,
Remiel Enduro Phoenix

P.S. Reality shows are the television equivalent to a retarded meth head having an abortion after being impregnated by Satan's unholy spooge. Stop it.