Indications that Valentine's Day is way overdue for cancellation.

1. The ratio of disgruntled, near-homicidal bitter assholes to happy couples narrows and, eventually, the former surpasses the latter in number.

2. The only times you've managed to have sex on February 14th are when you found an ex-girlfriend who was just as pissed off at the opposite sex as you were.

3. The suicide rate in mid-February actually surpasses that of the Holiday Season.

4. Every time you see someone kiss their significant other, a piece of your soul dies and is replaced by the compulsion to stockpile ammunition and weapons in preparation for what you refer to only as "The Final Solution."

5. You're so depressed about the stupid pseudo-holiday that you can't even work up the desire to jerk off to Internet porn on one of the few nights that your roommate isn't home.

6. You scour Limewire or a similar program looking for songs titled "Valentine's Day Sucks", or something similar.

7. Your idea of a screamin' fine time is, instead of trying to sleep with one of your ex-girlfriends, taking one somewhere public and taking turns imagining new and exciting ways for random couples to break up.

8. The aforementioned idea is met with total silence, because Jess is a buzzkill.

9. You wake up due to a feeling of disorientation and dread that you can describe only as "a disturbance in the Force".

10. The sight of anything with a vagina and a pulse is enough to inspire yet another anti-Valentine blog, which has become something of an annual tradition in and of itself.

11. You start wondering what, or who, that chick who works at the gas station you always stop at for cigarettes is doing to celebrate.

12. You're actually grateful that you have class at 9:00 AM the next day, because it gives you an excuse to stay the fuck home and go to sleep.

13. You realize, with no small amount of satisfaction, that most people have to work the next day and will thus be unable to enjoy the hours upon hours of semi-drunken sexcapades that they had originally hoped for. Pricks.

14. You begin imagining ways to foil the attempts at coital union of those who don't have to be at work Friday morning.

15. You realize that everything you've laid out for the whole world to read is probably part of the reason that no one can stand your sorry ass, be it in a romantic or platonic setting, and decide to simply give up and go to bed.