...Regarding my love life and the attendant disasters thereunto. While at one time I assumed that there was just something fundamentally wrong with me, I’ve since learned otherwise.
It’s your fault, you rotten bastards.
No, honestly. Every time the proverbial shit hits the fan as a result of my developing an interest in someone or vice versa, one of you shitheads ends up either A) finding a metaphorical long-term parking space for your genitals, B) having some life-altering epiphany that leads to finding a metaphorical long-term parking space for your genitals, or C) fucking someone so far out of your league that, were I not so miserable, I’d be tempted to give a standing ovation while screaming "Grand Slam!" at maximum volume.
Seriously, enough with stealing my love karma, folks. I ain’t gettin’ any younger.
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