And gettin' out on bail the same fuckin' day.

Dear Uncle Sam,

So I was looking back on my misspent youth this morning, and I remembered that I loaned twenty bucks to this pot head in high school. I mean, it was a decent chunk of change for a sixteen year-old kid, but it didn't break me and I'd just gotten paid, so I figured 'What the hell?'. I was thinkin' though, since you seem to be in the business of picking up greedy assholes' debt lately, think there's any chance you could throw some scratch my way?
Now, I know what you're thinking. How is giving me money because I was dumb enough to loan money to someone when the likelihood of ever seeing that money again was so slim that it could hardly be measured? Well, personally, I think the answer's obvious. It'll stimulate the economy! No, seriously, I know it sounds like the most illogical thing that's ever come out of a down syndrome baby's drooping, drooling mouth, but giving me money because I gave money to Johnny Rolls More Than An Olympic Gymnast, thus putting a dent in the country's collective coffers and driving everyone further in debt, will be good for the everyone in the long run. Just think, if you do this, I'll have twenty bucks that I can loan to another asshole who can't afford to pay me back! And then...
Y'know what? Nevermind. I just realized that ultimately it'll put everyone in a worse position than where we started, because paying off bad debt on behalf of people who are stupid enough to extend credit to those who haven't earned it and have no apparent way to pay it back is something that only an irresponsible, morally bankrupt bastard would ever consider. Silly fucking me.

Regards,
Rem Phoenix