Y'know, I don't ask for much. A better paycheck, maybe my own place in the middle of a decent part of town, world domination, y'know, the simple things. The simplest of all, however, is something that every able-bodied female on the face of the planet has the power to give, and given the amount of time that's passed since the last time one of them gave it well, it probably wouldn't even take that long.
I'll keep this short. Tomorrow, I'm turning twenty-five. So help me God, if I have to get myself off instead of having it done for me by someone with tits, you're going to see a very, very unhappy (see also: angry, bitter and generally disdainful of the opposite sex in it's entirety) Remmy Phoenix, and don't feed me all that "Sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing shared between two people blah blah blah I can use my twat to make ice cubes" bullshit, we've covered this before. I've got some of the most funny moralled people on the planet in my social circle, and damn it, I deserve a blowjob to celebrate surviving a quarter of a century in this God forsaken land of disappointment we call Earth.
...Please?
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