Thank you, and stop laughing at me.
Sincerely,
Rem Phoenix
You don't need to see my identification. These are not the cliches you're looking for. Move along.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
A Change Of Ideas
To whom it may concern,
I, Remiel Enduro Phoenix, do hereby certify that my faith in the existence of at least one female whose sole purpose in life is not to A) destroy my faith in humanity, B) drive me to homosexuality, or C) increase alcohol sales due to the frustration brought about by amoral and/or inconsiderate actions, or any combination of the above, has been rekindled. Thusly, as of today, September 22, 2008, I am hereby lifting my ban on members of the opposite sex taking more than a platonic role in my life.
Thank you, and stop laughing at me.
Sincerely,
Rem Phoenix
You don't need to see my identification. These are not the cliches you're looking for. Move along.
Thank you, and stop laughing at me.
Sincerely,
Rem Phoenix
You don't need to see my identification. These are not the cliches you're looking for. Move along.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Too far.
Dear Internet Pornography,
First of all, I wanna' thank you for everything you've done over the years. Honestly, without you, I don't think I could've managed to stay away from the hell that is romantic attachment for as long as I have. You've given me my freedom, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.
Lately though...things have changed. You're not the same as you used to be. Back in the good old days, I could sit down, type in a URL, get everything out of my system and not have a single negative thing to say about the experience. Maybe, I don't know, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one who's changed. Maybe it's not your fault at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is...well, it's over.
I hope we can still be friends.
-Rem
The point of this disgusting little open letter is that, when there's a gorgeous fishnet-clad German girl with blond hair and blue eyes engaging in x-rated activities, the last thing I wanna' hear is a fucking Madonna song. Fuck's sake, you know the world's fucked up when even your spank material is going emo. The Power Of Goodbye has officially scarred my penis for life.
Thank you, and I'm sorry.
First of all, I wanna' thank you for everything you've done over the years. Honestly, without you, I don't think I could've managed to stay away from the hell that is romantic attachment for as long as I have. You've given me my freedom, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.
Lately though...things have changed. You're not the same as you used to be. Back in the good old days, I could sit down, type in a URL, get everything out of my system and not have a single negative thing to say about the experience. Maybe, I don't know, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one who's changed. Maybe it's not your fault at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is...well, it's over.
I hope we can still be friends.
-Rem
The point of this disgusting little open letter is that, when there's a gorgeous fishnet-clad German girl with blond hair and blue eyes engaging in x-rated activities, the last thing I wanna' hear is a fucking Madonna song. Fuck's sake, you know the world's fucked up when even your spank material is going emo. The Power Of Goodbye has officially scarred my penis for life.
Thank you, and I'm sorry.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
How to laugh for fifteen minutes straight.
Two of the most common statements I make at work are "They don't pay me enough to lie" and "Just don't tell my boss I said that."
Have fun with your high-salary jobs and three-story houses, bitches. I'm the guy who works for one of the most evil corporations on the planet and still manages to hold on to his integrity. That, my friends, is character.
Unfortunately, it looks horrible on a resume.
Have fun with your high-salary jobs and three-story houses, bitches. I'm the guy who works for one of the most evil corporations on the planet and still manages to hold on to his integrity. That, my friends, is character.
Unfortunately, it looks horrible on a resume.
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